A Conversation Between Me & You

Me: What is track 12 of “DJu Wan?”

You: You make no sense.

Me: The CD you made me two years ago.

You: The DJ may be Morgan Page? Sorry, in Redwood City getting ___.

Me: Can I come with you next time?!

You:                             (no response)

Me: Please.

You: (changing the subject) Btw…Little _____ito has been testing me all the way from Middle America.

Me: Oh __________ito, if only u knew. Yr tactics stand no chance..or do they? Has my Lil’ Birdwatcher gone coocoo for someone else’s eggs? Keep in mind that u can get them for far less than what this may cost u. Slash Middle America, its awfully subsidized to seem to like quality market goods and services.

You: Hahahaha, you are soooo bad. I have only good wishes and hopes for ___________ito’s survival in hillbilly nation—for all she seeks in me is comfort, reassurance, and distraction from schmelly rednecks and endless fields of yellow. Yes, that’s right, yr Lil’ _________________ is being used and abused once again. Long story short, ______________ito apologized for being ______________ and I said ‘Oh, no worries” and now it just is. Ha, my life; a giant endless circle of repetition.

Me: “Now it just is”? What on earth? Have the Redwoods’ roots uplifted u too? B careful yee young Padawon, we live on a fault line and times will always b a shaking, hearts a breaking. Word of advice, put your own redneck on the line…just remember to wear sunscreen…birds fly high, and the rays burn stronger.

You: This just in: the tall one got one of her teets __________.

Me: Please say u speak of _____________ Che and not __________...but if not, how’d u learn of this? Picking up higher quality sound waves when sucking on the other’s _________, got to love metal.

You: Oh grandmother Willow, you are just of metaphors, I love it!

Me: Love and miss u bunches Pocahontas, now go sing all the colors of the rainbow! Slash yah err bout Amy?

You: Winehouse? Yes, it’s unfortunate.

Me: Perhaps we shall commemorate with wine in the house…and u  can have the fake Jewish shit..speaking of teets & babies, any word from ‘Thailand’? Slash minesies shrunk.

You: Yes, yes, yes, I’ll just have the grape juice shit (close enough). What do teets and babies have to do with ___________? Nope, not a word..apparently __________ & _________ are besties (according to her). Yr boobs shrunk?! Well, by golly gee, was it all the stress and anxiety from scabies?